Ultimate chocolate cupcakes with ganache filling and creamy malted milk chocolate frosting

I made Cook's Illustrated's Ultimate chocolate cupcakes with ganache filling with creamy malted milk chocolate frosting for Aaron's birthday party, and while gorging on the frosting decided that it’s what I want to eat right before I die. These cupcakes make me so angry at all other cupcakes for being inferior. I don’t understand why, if cupcakes can taste like this, anyone puts up with cupcakes that:

• Have a huge, chewy, muffin-like crumb
• Have sandy, greasy frosting
• Are way way way too sweet
• Look infinitely better than they taste
• Are dry
• Taste like chemicals
• Taste like nothing

My love for these cupcakes has shot my future-plan of being a baker to the head of the list of options. Seriously. I’m going to look for a job in a bakery.